(Continuation of The Candid Approach step 3/7. To start at the beginning click here)
3. Think Candid!
Don’t Just Be Candid- THINK Candid.
We all know the phrase of the little engine that could. “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.” (That’s about all I read in the book because it is so dang long!) Followed by, “I thought I could, I thought I could, I thought I could.”
Well, I would like to change things up a bit with the word CANDID.
I mentioned how important it is to be candid in our life and motherly roles and now want to stress the same importance of thinking can-did.
DIY projects will not get done without doing it.
Children will not be taught without teaching them.
Someone cannot be served without helping them.
You cannot complete a challenge without trying.
And you won’t get a friend without stalking them (this is my story I tell below).
If we want something, we must go after it. We must take action.
I can DO IT vs I can and I DID:
Let’s go back to the train that has the attitude, “I think I can.” Self-confidence is a bugger. There is so much doubt and uncertainty. Do I really think I can? It is that “perfect” concept getting in the way with the word CAN, again.
To be frank, if someone tells me, “You can!” I am 99% more certain that I can. So instead of thinking I can, imagine your family members reassuring you that YOU CAN, YOU CAN, YOU CAN! (And hopefully in your mind you see your family members saying those encouraging words and not just your friends… if it is only the friend you see, then Challenge My Family is definitely for you!)
So now you have the confidence.
Next, action is required. DO IT. This is by far the most difficult and daunting step to accomplishing something. Doing it is not safe. It is risky.
“Will I be able to? What if I disappoint and embarrass myself? I can’t. It is easier to not even try. I can’t handle failure.”
This attitude is self-defeating and paralyzing. It will get you nowhere.
First, pay minimal attention to the DO IT part (sorry nike) and see in your mind you having ALREADY DONE it.
You can (acquire self confidence and you will.)
You did (Eliminate fear and take action in your mind.)
Second, Think Can-did and you will. Skip the thinking about doing it part, causing anxiety, nervousness, doubt, or defeat. Go straight to the can-did attitude. You automatically have self confidence and have seen it finished.
Be candid, think candid.
I learned this important life lesson that altered my way of thinking and doing when I was just newly married.
New Life & No Friends
When I was a newlywed (we are talking 2 weeks), my husband left had army training (story of my life!) and he left me in a brand new place clear across the country.
I had no friends, no connections with anyone.
It was nerve wracking to think what my future was going to be, moving around in the army so much. How was I going to make friends? Especially if I was moving every two years!? I realized that my life of living in one spot like I had in my childhood was long gone. I was out of my comfort zone and would never have long life friends again.
OR- I could decide that was NOT what was going to happen.
My future is shaped by my thoughts and actions. So what was my future going to be? What was I going to do?
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I wasn’t going to let my fears get in the way of my future. And I knew my future would be really grim without friends when my husband was away.
So, the first Sunday I went to church and I immediately started scanning the room for a “potential friend.”
Right behind me.
I had butterflies because I really wanted to say something to her but my fears were starting to consume me. I thought to myself, “You either do it, or you don’t. If you don’t, you will have no friends and live a horrible lonely life.”
I simply turned to her and asked her to be my friend.
Miracles happen. She laughed and said yes.
I thought to myself, “She is either just as relieved as I am, or she is a liar and is going to run. Get her number now.”
She gave me her number and I was convinced she thought I was a complete pyscho case. The next day I held her number in my hand thinking, “Do I call her? Does she really want to be friends? I probably freaked her out and should just jump in my bed and cry myself to sleep.”
Not wanting to be lonely forever, I gave her a ring. Seriously, I feel for boys and how hard it is to call a girl now- I totally get it!
In the end, it turned out that this girl and I became best friends. In fact, I just got back from flying out to see her.
The Candid Result
It’s now been 10 years since that Sunday I met my forever friend.
What I didn’t know the day I met her is that she was also looking for a friend. She had also just moved in a few weeks before from the same state I had moved from. She was homesick and a newlywed- we had so much in common.
We both were grateful that I made the decision to act and bluntly asked her to be my friend.
I can now relate to children on their first day of kindergarten as well- go me!
Believe it or not- I’m sure you can believe anything now– every time we move (about every two years, sometimes 6 months) that first Sunday we move in, I am at church, stalking out my new best friend.
It has worked for me every. single. time.
Everyone wants a friend and it just takes acting to get one.
Sometimes thinking candid is hard and it is tempting to let your doubts and fears take over. It’s easier not to be stretched or challenged but I am here to tell you it is worth the struggle and effort. You have to do hard things to grow and learn- it’s life. Realize though, that everyone has fears, doubts, and challenges. You really are never alone. Reach out. Be a friend.
Someone is out there feeling the same way you are and they need you. Don’t wait for them… YOU find them.
What do you need to “Think Candid” about today?
My boys are playing army and my baby is reaching for the cereal bowl. It just spilled all over the floor. My sink is full of dirty dishes. I better get to it… Think Candid!